


jealousy, turning saints into the sea

by their_dark_materials



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But only for plot purposes, Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Robron Reunion 2018, Romantic Friendship, Temporarily Unrequited Love, The briefest mention of Rebecca, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-14 05:46:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/their_dark_materials/pseuds/their_dark_materials
Summary: When Robert reconnects with someone from his past, Aaron is forced to question just how much his ex-husband really means to him.





	1. coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert meets an old flame.

He doesn’t recognise the man when he pulls up at the scrapyard. But based on the make of his car — a gunmetal grey Lexus Ls400 — and the casual ease with which he steps out and shrugs on what looks like a _very_ expensive brown leather jacket over a pair of impeccably pressed jeans and a dark green flannel shirt, Aaron can tell he’s here to see Robert. (Everyone who's ever come to see him has worn overalls —  or been a member of his family.)  

It’s confirmed a few minutes later when he asks, “Excuse me, but do you know where I can find Mr. Robert Sugden?”

The man’s accent lilts French, placing an emphasis on different parts of the other man’s name (“ _Rob-bear Soog-den_ ”), making it sound both strangely foreign _and_ intimately familiar at the same time. Aaron doesn’t know why it makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, but it does.

“He’s in there.”

He almost grunts out the answer, indicating the portacabin with a nod of his head.

But he needn’t bother because almost as if on cue, Robert appears in the doorway, a frown on his face as he gazes down at his phone.

“ _Robert_?” The man calls out, still a few steps away. But it doesn’t matter because the warmth in his voice carries across the distance with an ease that leaves Aaron feeling drenched with it.

The man in question looks up at the sound of his name, his face quickly moving from puzzlement to delighted recognition, before he exclaims, “ _Enzo_?”

It hardly takes a second for the grin to spread across his face, lighting it up more than Aaron has seen in recent weeks — or perhaps, even _years_. He tries not to think about that _too_ much, but it’s hard to deny that the Robert Sugden standing in front of him now appears years younger and much freer, with all the stress of these last few years having melted off of him in an instant at the sight of this man.

“What are _you_ doing here?”

Robert all but runs towards the other man for a handshake and kiss on both cheeks that turns into a full-on, one-armed hug. (Both “pecks” lingering a little _too_ long for Aaron’s liking, as does the hug.) When Robert steps back, he’s practically vibrating with an excited energy. (Definitely not to Aaron’s liking.)

“Well, I was in the area and I thought I would come see what the famous ‘Home James’ looks like,” Enzo’s tone is playful and his smile continues to be friendly and wide. But somehow it _still_ manages to rub Aaron the wrong way.

“What? You were just drivin’ around the Dales and decided to pop by for a chat?” Aaron blurts out. He doesn’t care if it comes off as rude because he’s still trying to figure out what it is about this stranger that is rubbing him the wrong way.

Nonetheless, his words seem to do the trick as they remind both Enzo and Robert that he’s standing there, a nearly ripped-off car door in his hands.

“Oh. Enzo, this is Aaron,” Robert says, taking his eyes off the other man for barely a second to glance at Aaron (still wearing that big grin of his), before returning them to Enzo’s chiselled-from-golden-marble-with-a-hint-of-salt-and-pepper-stubble face. “He’s…”

 _My ex-husband… My best friend… The man I still love even though we broke up_ months _ago…_

Aaron runs through all the options of what Robert might say next in his head, not sure what he’s anticipating — or dreading. After what seems like an eternity of uncertainty he gets his answer.

“... a friend.”

It doesn’t sting. At least not as much as he would have expected, but it doesn’t sit quite right either. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth either. There’s simply too much history between the two of them to sum up their current relationship into a word that’s compact yet meaningful enough to hand out to strangers for ease of identification. How do you say, “Here’s the man I imagined spending the rest of my life with, the man I walked down the aisle — or at least across a bar — with, only now we’re not together, but I still love him and am having a hard time letting go, enough so that I made us promise we’d remain friends, even though we _both_ decided that we needed to be apart for the sake of both our selves?”

Aaron’s so busy considering the enormity of _them_ that he almost misses Enzo’s introduction, which is much less awkward, and a lot more fond, as Robert shyly shares, “Aaron, this is Enzo. He’s a client.”

At that, Enzo just rolls his eyes. He turns to face Aaron.

“He’s lying,” Enzo teases. “My father is his client. Robert and I are old friends.”

As he says the last two words, he reaches out to playfully poke Robert in the stomach, which in turn makes Robert step back and attempt to swap his hand away, his cheeks turning pink as he protests, “ _Hey_.”

Aaron’s cheeks grown warm as he wonders if Enzo’s use of the word “friend” is the same as his and Robert’s.

But he doesn’t say any of that out loud. Instead, he just goes with another nod and a curt, “Nice to meet ya.”

And almost as soon as they first began, it would seem as if their introductions are over, as Enzo simply discards Aaron’s presence in order to focus all of his attention on Robert. “So, are you going to give me a tour? Or do I have to beg?”

(If the deep-seated dread he’d felt creeping into his stomach hadn’t coalesced before, it has now, causing his insides to churn with anxiousness he does not want to name.)

He tries not to watch as Enzo attempts to poke at Robert once more, only this time Robert deflects it easily, smiling as he responds with an, “Alright, alright. Not like I have much to do here anyway.”

He takes a step forward, making his way closer to the taller man as he flashes him a pleased grin.

“This is the scrapyard, which Aaron runs…” Robert says gesturing around. “But we do share an office.”

For a second he wonders if Robert’s going to mention Adam and how until just a few weeks ago, Holey Scrap had had _two_ owner-employees until he’d had to get involved and help one of them flee the country. But as Robert simply moves on with his abbreviated tour, Aaron realises that just like everything else in their life until this point, this too is a fact that will be compressed and sanded down, if not just omitted entirely from the narrative they’ll present others with. And while it really shouldn’t matter, it does prick at him more than he’d care to admit.

Enzo looks around and nods appreciatively, his gaze skimming over Aaron as if he’s just another piece of scrap and not the main reason Robert had invested in this business in the first place.

“Not bad for a farmer’s son,” he teases.

Aaron finds himself frowning at the amount of familiarity practically oozing from the Frenchman — or at least he thinks the man is from France, no one has confirmed it either way. (Though he feels that given his experience living in the country and dealing with French contacts, this is a fairly well-educated guess.)

But Robert just chuckles. “Brave words from a glorified delivery man.”

Enzo barks out a laugh at that, his head tipping back and causing his curly locks to fall back as well. His deep baritone reverberates through Aaron, causing him to be a little turned on despite himself. (And thus making him grumpier.) 

Thankfully when he looks over at Robert he sees that it hasn’t had any effect on him, as he continues standing there with a pleased smile that is yet to leave his face. The kind that comes from knowing you’ve made a good joke.

Only his relief is short-lived because Enzo doesn’t make an effort to defend himself (or really expound on the exchange). He just returns that same smile — only now it’s loaded with a kind of fondness that Aaron can’t quite bear to look at — and both men are left standing there just smiling and staring at each other and Aaron’s ears are burning from remembering when that was Robert and _him_.

He’s surprised when he hears Robert speak up, his voice all soft and quiet, the way he loves.

“Fancy grabbing a drink? Be nice to catch up.”

“I was just thinking that,” Enzo replies. He then turns towards his car, “I can drive.”

“Please. You think I’ll still get in a car with you after what happened in Seville?” Robert argues with absolutely no venom in his voice as he walks towards their cars. “You’re joking.”

“That was 10 years ago,” Enzo points out, not really defending himself.

“Yeah, and I _still_ have nightmares about drivin’ off a cliff.”

Despite his protests, Robert still gets into the passenger side of Enzo’s vehicle — a sign that he’s not only forgiven this man his past actions, but he’s also perfectly comfortable letting this man risk his life. (This may be a stretch on Aaron’s part, but he’s currently not in the mood to be fair.)

Aaron hears Enzo say something, but he can’t quite make out what. All he knows is that Robert’s laughing in response — and not one of his usual amused chuckles, but a full on chortle, the kind that washes over you and warms you to your toes. (It's one of Aaron’s favourite sounds.)

As he watches them drive away, he tries not to give into that weight slowly building in his chest as it tells him that for the first time since he’s known him, Robert hasn’t really bothered to bid him goodbye — or invite him along.

He tears apart the rest of the car with surprising ease. 

:::::

 

When he finally calls it a day and decides to head to the pub, he’s not shocked to find Robert and Enzo there. What is unexpected is how close they’re sitting, tucked away at a table in the corner, heads bowed, arms barely a centimetre away from each other, and eyes repeatedly flirting to each other’s faces.

He doesn’t mean to look and spot them, but ever since Robert Jacob Sugden first walked into his life, it’s like he activated an internal honing system whereby Aaron can step into any room and always know where he is.

He looks away, but can’t stop the twinge in his chest as whatever Enzo says incites another burst of laughter from his ex-husband.

“Who’d have thought Robert Sugden had friends?” Charity snarks from her vantage point at the bar.

“Well, friends he hasn’t slept with,” she amends eyeing him as Aaron throws her a dirty look in response. “Though that might not be the case for long with Mr. Tall, Dark and Very, _Very_ Handsome.”

She follows it up with something like a purring noise and Aaron feels any remaining appetite he’d built up prior to this exchange depart from his body at the sound.

“Aren’t you datin' Vanessa?” he fires back, unchecked annoyance slipping into his voice.

“Doesn’t mean I still can’t admire from afar,” Charity replies, fanning herself with her own hand. "Even 'Ness'd enjoy  _that_ fine specimen of a man." 

“Oh come off it,” Vic pipes up, appearing from the kitchen as he gets up to go. “With everythin’ that’s been happenin’ with Rebecca and Seb, Robert’s been nothin’ but stressed. He deserves a nice break and a chance to catch up with an old friend.”

(Aaron — albeit grudgingly — agrees with this statement. Even if he doesn’t quite agree with the person it’s about.)

Before he leaves the pub he throws one last glance at the table in the corner. But unlike every day before this one, Robert doesn’t look up to meet it.

The twinge in his chest grows sharper. 

:::::

 

Later that evening he finds himself covering the bar, thanks to his mum having gone away for the weekend, and Charity having another one of her last-minute date nights with Vanessa.

“I really owe you one, babe,” Charity tells him as she checks her lipstick in her portable mirror. “You are a lifesaver.”

“Yeah, yeah, thank me later,” he grumbles back good-naturedly.

He’s busy texting Alex, who’s in the middle of another shift, but is nevertheless attempting to convince Aaron that they need to watch _The Room_ together the following weekend when Robert walks into the bar. He doesn’t even need to look up to know that Robert has entered the premises. As always, he just knows.

But when he looks up a second later, he sees that Enzo is with him. (And even if he hadn’t Charity’s blatant flirting would have given it away.)

“Can I get you anything?” She asks, suggestively leaning on the bar. “A pint? A glass of red? A tall blonde with legs for days and a million ideas for what to do with your body?”

“We can go somewhere else,” Robert interjects, eager to put an end to this entire uncomfortable spectacle. But to his credit, Enzo just laughs it all off.

"Why don't we start with two of the first one?" He replies gamely. "And how about I let you know if I need the third?" 

He punctuates the last part with a wink and Aaron rolls his eyes so hard he nearly sprains them. Beside him, Charity almost swoons. 

“Isn’t Vanessa waiting for ya?” He asks, reminding her of what awaits her on the other side of the pub door.

“Oh right… My date,” she replies perkily, excited at the prospect of seeing her new lady love — as if she weren’t eyeing a perfect stranger like he was a piece of meat a few seconds ago. “Well boys, I’m off.”

She slaps the bar twice before slinging her purse onto her shoulder.

“And you,” she says, pointing a finger at Enzo. “Give me a call when you get tired of _this_ one.”

She waves her hand at Robert, who just rolls his eyes. Enzo says nothing. That same polite smile still on his face.

With Charity finally gone, Aaron takes a step forward and clears his throat. “So, um, two pints. Right?”

“Uh yeah. Thanks,” Robert responds, before turning to survey the pub for an empty table.

What Aaron means to say is, “I’ll bring these to your table.” But what comes out is, “So, how did you first meet?”

Any pride he feels at saying that casually is blown away by the blush that takes up residence on Robert’s face as Enzo practically _guffaws_.

“At the beach,” Robert answers quickly, his face getting darker.

“He thought I was drowning and he tried to save me,” Enzo adds over him.

“I was trying to impress someone,” Robert states determinedly, the red in his cheeks clear evidence that he’s embarrassed by his actions.

“Yes,” Enzo replies, laughing a little harder. “My sister. The _lifeguard_.”

Aaron cracks a smile at that, even though he’s picturing a younger Robert (only a year or so younger than him), shirtless as he gives Enzo mouth-to-mouth. He feels a tug at his heart at the image.

“Hey. It worked,” Robert argues weakly. “It got her attention.”

“But she wasn’t interested,” Enzo adds, before giving Robert a playful nudge. “Lucky for you, I was.”

Aaron steadies his face as he tries to read Robert’s reaction. He just stands there shaking his head.

“I’d look up the meaning of the word ‘lucky’ if I were you,” Robert quips back, a small, but no less pleased smile on his face. “This one kept gettin’ me in trouble all summer.”

He says the last part to Aaron, nodding at Enzo at the end.

Unable to stall any longer, Aaron places both pints on the bar in front of them. Enzo picks his up and holds it up towards Robert. “Well, I would say it was the start of a beautiful friendship.”

Robert nods and picks up his drink and clinks it against Enzo’s. “I guess I can cheers to that.”

He’s about to take a sip when his phone goes off, and Aaron finds himself letting out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding — like a prayer he’s made has been answered.

“It’s Diane,” Robert explains, concern in his voice. “Could be Seb. I better take it.”

He hits answer and immediately heads towards the door, leaving Aaron and Enzo alone. It’s only when he turns back towards Enzo that he realises that he'd watched Robert leave as well, his eyes focused on Robert's tight rear end — decidedly not something someone who was just a friend would do.

As Enzo takes another sip of his drink, Aaron attempts to get more answers. If only to calm the irritation bubbling up inside him.

“So you’re from France then,” he asks, hoping to finally nail down this man’s backstory.

“Oui,” Enzo says with a proud smile. “My family owns a vineyard in Nice.”

“I guess you wouldn’t be wanting a glass of our House Red then?” Aaron jokes awkwardly. He's reaching for small talk and coming up short — despite the time he'd spent in Callais all those years ago. Besides, it's not like his business trips back and forth from the country had resulted in much cultural exploration. (Even the one time he’d gone with Robert had resulted in the two of them spending most of that weekend in their hotel room. Not that he’s complaining about _that_.)

He’s pleasantly surprised when Enzo laughs, and for a split second, he catches a glimpse of what Robert might see in him — a kind of open warmth and freeness that he and his ex-husband both have trouble expressing with others.

 _But you did just fine with each other_. A voice in his head reminds him, as he works to shake it off.

He searches for another avenue of connection, unwilling to let Enzo migrate to that same table in the back _just yet_.

“Must have been strange findin’ out Robert’s a father now,” he ventures lightly. (He’s not trying to remind Enzo that the friend he may be romantically — or sexually — interested in is a father now, but if that’s something he takes away, Aaron won’t complain.)

Enzo shakes his head as he keeps his pint glass back down on the bar. “No. Not at all… He actually told me last month.”

“Last month?” He blurts out the question before he can stop himself. “I didn’t know he’d left town.”

It’s a lie because he very well knows where Robert was — recovering from a car accident and then helping _him_ help Adam escape.

“No… He actually called me asking for some help with a special favour he was doing for someone,” Enzo explains. “And you know Robert, it is ‘ard to say no to ‘im.”

And suddenly, Aaron gets the sense that he’s not the only one doing the sussing out. The Frenchman’s words may sound casual, but the thoughtful stare he’s pinned him under belies that fact that he not only _knows_ about his and Robert’s marriage, but also their divorce, and now their attempt at being friends while moving on from each other. It’s clear he’s judging Aaron both to see if he’s worthy of his old friend’s affections… as well as how much _competition_ he’ll be going forward. 

Aaron feels his cheeks heat up at the scrutiny. Nevertheless, he still responds, holding Enzo’s gaze the entire time.

“Yeah, but sometimes you have to.”

He doesn’t sugarcoat it. Of the two of them, only he was married to Robert Sugden, and he’d loved him for better _and_ for worse the entire time — if not longer than that.  

After a minute of studying Aaron, Enzo seems satisfied, returning his attention to the drink in front of him.

Fortunately, that’s when Robert returns, a look of relief on his face. “Sorry, about that. Seb was just refusing to stop crying unless I held him.”

He looks from Aaron to Enzo and back. “What did I miss?”

“I was just telling Aaron how we got back in touch because you called and asked for my ‘elp,” Enzo shares. He gives Robert that same friendly smile he’s been giving him all day long. Only now there’s also a hint of _hunger_ in there — not that Aaron can fault him for that. Robert’s wearing his fitted black leather jacket over the maroon shirt that makes his blonde hair pop and lends his eyes a sexy darkness that is affecting Aaron at his very core.

Unable to fight this want, and quite frankly, chafing against the boundaries he’s imposed on himself when all he wants to do is reach out and _touch_ his ex-husband’s arm, Aaron finds himself resorting to more childish behaviour. And he knows — he _knows_ — he should rise above it, but it’s been a long day and he can’t stand another minute of this poncy Frenchman undercutting the magnitude and fabric of his relationship with Robert. So he says, in a voice that is all innocence and honey, “Oh was it that favour _I’d_ asked you to help with?”

And so what if he almost fist pumps in celebration when Robert agrees with _him_ , saying, “Yeah. Enzo was the contact I was telling you about.”

If that rattles Enzo he doesn’t show it. He just keeps on smiling.

They’re interrupted once again by Robert’s phone ringing, an image of Diane appearing on the screen.

“I should take this,” Robert informs them.

"Why don't we just go back to your 'ouse?" Enzo suggests, playing the trump card he's been holding this entire time. "That way you don't have to leave Sebastian, and  _we_ can catch up over dinner." 

 _You’ve been catching up_ _all day_ , Aaron silently fumes. _How much more do you need to know about him? He's a father. He's out now. And he used to be married — to_   _me_.

To his immense disappointment, Robert considers and agrees to the idea.

“How much for the drinks?” He asks Aaron, reaching for his wallet. The action only emphasizes the absence of his wedding band. 

Unable to think of anything else (or really formulate any kind of response at the sight), Aaron just waves his hand.

“It’s on the house,” he mumbles.

He’s rewarded with a surprised-and-slightly-puzzled smile from Robert. “Thanks.”

For a second, Aaron wills him to look at him,  _really_ look at him, and excuse himself from Enzo and pull him aside to ask if everything's okay and if he needs to talk because he seems stressed. But he doesn't. He just turns to Enzo, and gestures that he should walk ahead of him. 

So Aaron is left nodding and smiling as he watches them exit the pub.

When they’re finally gone, he has to lean against the counter as he lets out a full-body sigh that seems to emanate from his very soul.

:::::

 

By the time closing time rolls around, Aaron’s calmed down somewhat, thoughts of Robert and Enzo falling away from his mind as he serves more customers, and remembers to reply to Alex’s (many) texts, and follow up on Liv and Gerry’s eating habits. (As much as their friendship has been good for each other, they somehow seem to regress into unhealthy children when it comes to their food choices around each other.)

The fact that he’s feeling more like himself isn’t lost on him. Though a tiny part of him also argues that those other feelings and the behaviours they caused are part of him as well. He imagines telling Robert that, because he knows exactly how he would respond: _“Just because you don’t like those feelings or the things you do when you feel that way, doesn’t mean it still isn’t you. The sooner you accept that the kinder you’ll be on yourself.”_

He’ll be the first one to admit it, Robert Sugden gives great advice. It’s one of the many reasons he’s glad they remained friends. As much as he loves his mum and Paddy and Cain and the rest of the Dingles, sometimes it’s like they don’t fully understand the depth and darkness of what he’s feeling. It’s like they’re scared talking about that stuff will make it real — which as far as he’s concerned, it already is.

With those thoughts running through his mind, he locks up like he promised, pocketing the front door keys, which he plans on returning the next morning… or rather, in a few hours.

But he stops in his tracks when he sees the door to Keeper’s open up, light spilling out from the inside. There’s a chance it could be Vic, but he knows, just like he always knows, that this has to do with Robert.

And as usual, he’s right.

Robert appears in the doorway, and just like he has been all fucking day, Enzo is right beside him.

Only now he’s moving to step around Robert, but he’s doing so in a way that allows him to step into the other man’s personal space, their arms brushing together. And worse still, the step forward he’s taken isn’t all that far at all. In fact, he’s barely standing a foot away from Robert, forcing him to look up at him with bright and shining eyes — the kind Aaron used to be on the receiving end of whenever Robert had thought he wasn't looking. (Though how much if it is alcohol-induced or late night-related, Aaron doesn’t know. But yet again, he sure hopes it's the latter.)

But it’s a skilled move. The kind Robert used to like to pull on him the entire time they were together, not at all caring that they should have been past their constantly flirting stage and well into their comfortably co-existing together one. (Of course, considering it’s Robert Sugden, Aaron isn’t sure if the flirting stage _ever_ ends with him.)

If it didn’t cause his annoyance to bristle, it would be almost fascinating to see Robert be on the receiving end on one of these moves. Aaron’s never actually seen someone who isn’t him (or Rebecca) pursue Robert romantically, and it’s interesting to see what his response is. And while it’s not too different from how he’d react to Aaron’s romantic advances, there’s also that shyness that Enzo seems to keep bringing out in him — almost like he’s reverting to the time when he’d had a crush on his old friend. (Aaron’s not a fool. _He’d_ have a crush on Enzo if the circumstances were different. So it’s not a far leap to imagine Younger Robert having one too.)

And just like that, time moves to a crawl, like an accident taking place in slow motion, only it’s the very thing that Aaron’s been dreading and trying not to picture for the last few hours…  

Enzo cracks another one of his jokes, his low murmur carrying all the way over to the pub, where Aaron finds himself frozen, not wanting to draw attention to himself, though seeing how both men are currently gazing at each other, he’s not sure it’s possible.

Robert’s reaction is another laugh, this one his wry chuckle. If Aaron had thought that his previous noise had hit him in the gut, this lighter sound grips him by the heart and _tugs_ , reminding him of how much he cherishes it, even though this one’s not his to get. (Something he has to remind himself has been that way for some time now…)

Both actions complete, it’s time for the _sway_.

Robert and Enzo stand there, staring into each other’s eyes, small smiles on their faces, their hands tucked into their pockets, each of them moving _ever so slightly_ forwards and backwards, the whole sequence a delicately choreographed dance that is amplifying the growing tension between them. Aaron doesn’t need to see their faces to know that their gazes are switching back and forth from each other’s lips and eyes, each of them waiting in bated breath, with neither one ready to take the plunge.

It isn’t long before Enzo actually does.

And then it’s like everything is moving much too fast.

Aaron can hear his heart beating in his ears, as he watches Enzo’s lips cover Robert’s, the other man not quite responding, but not moving away either, every second of it stretching into whole lifetimes of possibilities with Aaron seeing a future where it’s Robert and _Enzo_ attending haulage conventions and vacationing in France and trading rings at an altar and raising Seb to speak two languages and only answer to _Sebastian_.

Thankfully before he can go too deep into that rabbit hole, Enzo pulls away and steps back.

Aaron tries to slow his breathing. His chest feels tight, like someone’s sitting on it, and the pounding in his ears has only gotten louder.

But he still can’t look away until he sees how this plays out. Robert’s unresponsiveness serving as a tiny lifeline cast out into this swirl of emotion, with him paddling furiously toward it. For all of Enzo’s sexy moves and finesse, he wasn’t able to get Robert to actually kiss him back, was he?

Maybe breathing regularly is a possibility again.

… But just like he’s been doing all fucking day, Aaron's raised his hopes too soon. Because even as Enzo is turning away, Robert’s hand is reaching out to stop him.

Aaron watches as his ex-husband lifts his head to plant his own, much more chaste kiss on the Frenchman’s lips, before he steps back and _smiles_.

If he’d thought he couldn’t breathe before, it’s much much worse now. Now he can’t feel anything  _—_ not even the furious churning of his own stomach.

So he continues watching as Enzo says something flirty, coaxing another laugh out of Robert before walking down the garden path backwards, now with an added hint of swagger; the kind Robert used to put on display He gets into his parked car nearby and drives off, Robert just standing in his doorway with a smile on his face the entire time.

Once he’s sure that Enzo’s gone, Robert goes back inside and shuts the door behind him. Not long after, the living room lights go off.

He doesn’t even notice Aaron standing there once.

And somehow, _that’s_ what stings most of all. That their friendship is going to be just like any other. Not the version they’d managed to carve out for themselves in these previous weeks since Christmas; where they’d trade lingering gazes and offer meaningful bits of advice while still being as emotionally supportive as they’ve always been. Because they don't know how to be “just friends.” They never have. Because they’re Aaron _and_ Robert for a reason. For better or worse, they’re tied together in a way Aaron never wants to unpick or understand because everything about it works.

 _Until it doesn’t._ He reminds himself. 

And yes, he’d known that getting over Robert would hurt — if not flat out _ache_ — but he hadn’t been prepared to see him with someone else quite as yet. (Though if he’s being honest with himself, he’s not sure he’d have ever been prepared.) Now he understands Robert’s first reaction to seeing him with Alex. It’s genuinely difficult to see someone you’d loved as much as they’d loved each other be with someone else after knowing just how happy they’d made you. 

 _They say you’re not supposed to let go when you find your True Love… So why did_ I _?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been outlining and writing and rewriting the first chapter of this fic for forever, but it's only been two weeks since I first had the idea and started. As of now, it's set in the days leading up to Valentine's and the day after, because that's what I'd come up with before we got the spoilers. (And honestly, I'm too tired and flu-ridden to truly go back and rejigger things any more than I have.) That said, I hope the writing is up to snuff, because this is as best as I have in me at the moment. 
> 
> This fic is really my first time tackling a couple of things. I've never written a multi-chapter fic before, and I've never actually delved into either jealousy or writing my own original character (and putting one of my favourites in a relationship with them). So I hope the emotions of the story come across well (and build up believably) and that Enzo feels like he could exist within this universe. (Even if he isn't featured in this as much.) As a model for Enzo, I'm using the actor Ed Quinn (Eureka, One Day At a Time) mostly because I've been watching season 2 and he's in it a lot. I also like the idea of Robert being romanced by a taller man than him, because him and Aaron are the same height and as much as I love that, I wanted a slightly different romantic dynamic than we've seen between him and Aaron. I also wanted to explore a little more of Robert's past, because I think that the thing that truly makes Aaron jealous is not just Robert's sexual chemistry with someone, but also his emotional connection. And ideally, it'll be clear that Enzo is able to offer that to Robert. (Please let me know your thoughts on this if possible. I'm in the middle of writing the next two chapters so any feedback would be much appreciated.) 
> 
> As always, I hope I got the voices and the tone and everything else right. (If I got any actual factual/show details wrong, please let me know!) If you have any other thoughts, comments, questions, or concerns, drop me a line below or find me on tumblr under rustandruin. 
> 
> Hope you're enjoying the countdown to Valentine's!


	2. gotta gotta be down, because i want it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron figures out what he wants.

A few days pass and word spreads around the village that the fit new Frenchman hanging around is Robert Sugden’s new boyfriend.

If Aaron had thought Charity’s reaction to Enzo was annoying, Bernice and Nicola are even worse. He ends up snapping at them in the cafe one morning after he overhears them discussing — in extremely graphic detail — all the things they would do to Enzo if they were the ones dating him. (Honestly, he didn’t even know that Bernice was capable of having that kind of mouth on her. Especially having considered her history with both Andy _and_ Lawrence. Though he supposes it’s to be expected. No one who wears _that_ much pink is innocent.)

In response all he gets are twin looks of pity as if to say, _We’re sorry that you’re losing the contest of your break-up because your ex-husband has moved on to someone far more attractive than_ you _and your_ current _boyfriend._

He eventually has to leave the establishment when even _Jimmy_ starts getting actively involved. (“I’m straight as a washboard and even I’d like to get it on with him. What? He seems like he’d be a good kisser.”)

But contrary to what everyone around him seems to think, this isn’t what’s bothering Aaron. He honestly doesn’t care about Enzo’s looks. If there was one good thing that came from his and Robert’s relationship, it’s that his ex-husband always lets him know that he found him plenty fit — even if all he was wearing was his grease-stained overalls…

He quickly blocks several of those memories before they all come flooding back.

Instead, the thing that rankles him is the fact that Robert already feels comfortable calling Enzo his boyfriend.

He knows it’s silly and petty and not completely fair on his part, but he can’t help but think about the months they’d spent together back when they were still in the midst of the affair, when Robert wasn’t comfortable discussing his sexuality or any of his previous relationships with men — even though it’s clear now that there was definitely at least one man before Aaron; before even Chrissie and Rebecca and _that_ whole mess.

He’d spent months falling for Robert and wishing they could have a proper relationship, out in the open, just like everyone else. But Robert had always pulled back because he hadn’t felt ready to come out (or leave Chrissie and let go of the life they’d had). As a result, Aaron had been left dealing with the guilt of _all_ their actions. Right until he hadn’t.

But Enzo doesn’t know any of that, does he?

And he probably never will. Because the Robert Sugden he’s dating is out of the closet now and at peace with himself. He’s no longer being held back by his father’s terrible reaction all those years ago. He’s managed to let go and move forward enough to seek out an engagement and a marriage with another man, and (now) step up as a father to his currently motherless son — despite a few stumbles along the way.

He’s the best version of himself that he’s ever been and Aaron can’t even love him.

Not right now.

Not in the near distant future.

Maybe not _ever_.

Because he’s with Enzo now. And Aaron’s with Alex.

(Technically he’s been with Alex this entire time, but now it doesn’t feel like a choice. Not when he sees Robert smile like _that_ ; like Enzo’s a £100,000 cheque he’s found in the back pocket of an old pair of jeans while doing the wash. Not when those used to be his looks, and his smiles, and his gentle kisses of greeting and goodbye.)

However, the one thing Aaron did not expect from this awful, painful, and just generally unbearable situation is that he’s also strangely _happy_ for Robert. It’s crazy and sometimes he just can’t believe it. But when he looks inside himself — deep, deep inside himself — underneath all that swell of jealousy and ache of yearning is a tiny pebble of happiness.

Because Robert Jacob Sugden is currently his best friend. And his best friend is dating a man who clearly knows and cares about him; who isn’t insecure and won’t act on any jealousy of one of Robert’s exes and land himself in prison, get hooked on drugs as a way to escape his troubles and cause Robert to think they’d broken up and lash out; who won’t ask his ex-husband for deeply personal favours that he’ll know he’ll say yes to even though they’re broken up.

Maybe _that’s_ the hardest part. Knowing Enzo’s a good man who’s only looking to treat Robert as he deserves, and who hasn’t shown Aaron a single ounce of discourtesy the entire time he’s been in the village.

And knowing, well that’s on the road to letting go. 

Right?

:::::  


He first spots them as they’re walking into the scrapyard. Enzo’s seated on the hood of his Lexus, with Robert standing between his outstretched legs, both his hands firmly in his own jacket pockets (Enzo’s are behind him, supporting him as he leans back slightly). They’re talking softly and smiling into each other’s eyes, only pausing to look over when they hear the crunch of Aaron’s feet on the gravel. As they turn to look at him, they slowly emerge from that loved up bubble of bliss that all new couples find themselves in; the one where no one else exists but themselves.

Aaron’s chest twinges, but he carries on like always. Can’t exactly turn and head back home now can he?

“Morning,” he offers with a nod and a smile, even though his stomach lurches the instant he spots that somewhat dreamy look on Robert’s face. The last time he’d seen it was on their wedding night, when he’d stumbled out of the pub more a little drunk, happily nattering on about the two of them now being blissfully wedded _husbands_ ; as if what was meant to be the happiest day of their lives wasn’t a rushed precursor to his time in prison, neither of them getting a chance to truly savour marriage, to savour being husband and husband. (Though as far as Aaron’s concerned, it’s still in the Top 10 days of his life, seeing as there was a point where he’d have rather died than accept his attraction to men.)

“Morning,” Robert echoes his greeting, pairing it with a just-as-distracted nod before once again focusing on Enzo who’s gone with a more energetic, “Bonjour!”

(Aaron notes that he hasn’t taken his eyes off Robert’s face either, happily sitting there and drinking in his fill. He doesn’t blame him. He used to do that too, mentally tracing the line of Robert’s fair lashes.) 

Pleasantries over, Aaron continues on his way to the portacabin, while Robert and Enzo resume their talking, voices still at the same low whisper — the one all lovers use in public, that same bubble rendering them unaware of anyone around them. He almost pauses when he hears Robert chuckle at something Enzo says. But he manages to continue up the short set of stairs despite being hamstrung. 

Once in the office, he shuts the door behind him, finally relieved to be able to block out the distracting noises outside so he can attempt to finish his pending paperwork. And it works for the most part, at least until Robert says something that makes Enzo laugh, his deep baritone reverberating throughout the portacabin, bouncing off the walls and hitting Aaron in his chest. He finds that he can’t help himself as he looks up and out the window to his right, surreptitiously spying on Robert and his new _boyfriend._ (Not that they’d notice him, eyes still locked on each other, their smiles a perfect mirrored reflection.) 

 _They’re happy._ _He’s happy. I should be happy._

He’s about to force himself to look away and focus on his spreadsheets again, when he sees what is the start of Robert initiating a kiss. Aaron wants to look away, he really does, but there’s something so uncannily _tentative_ about Robert’s movements as he removes his hands from his pockets and reaches out to hold Enzo by the waist as he leans in, angling his head downward, because a seated Enzo is now finally a little shorter.

The kiss itself is tender and sweet and everything Aaron would expect from the Younger Robert of his imagination, the one who’d grown up without feeling any shame for his attractions. But his brief moment of mourning for the boy (and eventual man) that could have been, once again gives way to a wave of all encapsulating envy.

He tries to tell himself that it’s because Alex doesn’t kiss him that way. (He doesn’t.) But really it’s because he remembers what it’s like to feel Robert’s lips on his, pressing up against him with love, and lust, and everything else. Robert Sugden is an excellent kisser — and for worse or for better, he knows it.

So does Enzo based on the way he’s reacting in kind. Aaron tries not to think about all the kisses that might have come between now and the one he’d glimpsed on Victoria’s doorstep a few nights ago. Especially ones that could have led to more _passionate_ pastures, Robert’s hands roving and stretching and sliding. 

Instead, Aaron notes the distinct lack of fiery passion on display, everything about Robert in this particular moment muted in a way he’s not used to seeing. Like there’s a shift in his energy, that little bit of confidence that had led to him initiating the kiss now giving way to a sudden and almost panicked nervousness as Enzo responds enthusiastically, almost like Robert can sense that he’s being watched and doesn’t want to go much further. It’s that realisation that jolts Aaron into stopping his staring and refocusing on the figures in front of him. Though his mind can’t seem to make heads or tails of any of it, still stuck on the look on Robert’s face.

A few long, _long_ minutes later, Robert walks through the door, his face flushed a light shade of pink. Aaron can’t tell if that’s because of the kiss or the fact that he’s embarrassed by his and Enzo’s public display of affection. (Though because he’s feeling selfish at the moment, Aaron hopes it’s the latter.) 

“Sorry about that,” Robert says, unable to look at Aaron as he moves towards his desk. For half a second Aaron’s relieved that he didn’t find them in here, because he knows that _that_ would have stung in a way nothing else has so far. This office has always been _their_ space and he can’t brook the idea of either Robert and Enzo — or even him and Alex for that matter — trying something romantic (or sexual) in here. 

 _Him and Robert on the other hand…_  

Aaron shakes his head to clear it, the thought still lingering. 

It vanishes when he looks at Robert’s face as he takes a seat and powers up his laptop, as he sees that he’s actually fighting a smile — the sight causing a conflicting wave of emotions, first pain, then happiness, then longing. 

“Things going well with Enzo, then?” Aaron asks, finally bringing up the tall, attractive Frenchman (figuratively) in the room. 

The question causes an internal dam to break and Robert’s smile to burst through, a small, crooked thing that lifts the corners of his mouth upward and causes his blush to deepen. It’s every bit as endearing and boyish as anything Aaron has seen from in the past few days, and as much as he dislikes its cause, even he has to admit it’s a nice look on Robert. 

“Uh, yeah. They are,” Robert replies, a little shyly, clearing his throat as he nods. Aaron can feel his younger self wanting to kiss that face. (If he’s being honest, his adult self _definitely_ wants to.)

“Good,” Aaron says, doing his best to clamp down on all his other emotions so he can convey the glimmer of warmth and happiness he really does feel. “You seem happy.” 

Robert shoots him a look that starts off surprised and morphs into thoughtful, and for a second Aaron gets nervous that Robert will clue into how he really feels. That a part of him has started to miss _them_ , so he braces himself in anticipation. But after a few seconds, all Robert says is, “Yeah, I think I am.” 

Aaron nods. He knows that he should get back to work, but he doesn’t want to let go of the first real conversation they’ve had in days; where it’s just two of them and no Enzo or Seb or any other Sugden or Dingle family member cutting into their time together. So he asks, “Is he movin’ to the village then?” 

“Don’t actually know,” Robert replies with a shrug. “We haven’t really talked about that. We’re just trying to take it slow.” 

Aaron nods thoughtfully, pursing his lips in consideration. “So where’s he stayin’ at? Yours?” 

He’s surprised he’s managing to appear as calm as he is currently when internally he’s just chomping at the bit for any scrap of information that could indicate Enzo’s leaving. 

“Well, he was staying at the bed and breakfast, but Vic insisted he stop wasting money when he had a perfectly good sofa,” Robert explains with a chuckle that even a mention of Enzo seems to be able to elicit from him now. 

 _And a perfectly good bed,_ Aaron’s brain adds unnecessarily. But he shoves that thought away, asking instead, “Doesn’t he need to go back to work?” 

“Oh, he manages the family business,” Robert answers. “He can do most of that from anywhere.” 

“Ah,” Aaron says, nodding like some part of him isn’t crumbling at this news. Still, he puts on a happy face as he watches Robert turn his attention to his now ready-to-work-on laptop. 

“Must be nice to be with someone you’ve known for a while,” he hears himself say a few seconds later, barely restraining himself from adding, _Like me_. 

He toys with a paperclip on the edge of his desk, too afraid to look up and meet Robert’s eyes now; too afraid he’ll smell his almost wistful desperation. 

“Suppose it is,” Robert says slowly, as if turning the idea over in his head, like a shell he picked up at the seaside. Aaron swallows down the rising clench in his stomach, before forcing himself to look over at Robert’s face. 

“You know, he’s just like I remember him,” Robert continues, another smile blooming on his lips, this one just as soft and tender. “But he’s also changed a lot. There’s still so much about him I’m just finding out. Feels like I’m getting to know him all over again.” 

This time he actually does look over and _see_ Aaron, as if silently asking him if he gets it. If he sees the excitement bubbling within him at even the thought of the other man. 

Aaron does, so he nods in quiet understanding, a similar smile playing at his own lips. Unfortunately, Robert’s observant eyes don’t pick this up, having glazed over with thoughts of Enzo. 

“That’s good,” Aaron says, as the moment stretches on. Inside him, that ray of hope starts to flicker and dim — even as he supports Robert’s affection. 

Robert doesn’t answer, just smiles and nods to himself. Aaron might as well not be here in this office. 

He knows it says a lot that none of this feels awkward, that Robert hasn’t even batted an eyelid at discussing this with him, the man who used to be his _husband_. 

But then again, he _is_ dating Alex. A fact he’s made clear to Robert several times. Including, most recently at Christmas. 

He thinks back to a time when Robert had raged against the very notion of that, doing his best to stake his claim on their relationship by being the most stubborn reminder of Aaron’s past that he could. It feels like a whole lifetime away compared to the man sitting in front of him, one who’s well in the process of letting go. 

Robert’s back to work, just typing away in silence, not even getting up to fetch himself a chocolate biscuit like he has been in recent months, the opportunity to sate his sweet tooth also a launching pad for attempts to initiate conversations with Aaron. 

But there’s none of that now. No Robert getting up to perch himself on the corner of Aaron’s desk, or simply even brewing them two mugs of hot coffee. Instead, he’s just sat there, smiling to himself, actually cheerful and not distracted, but completely working. 

Not like Aaron. He’s just spent most of his morning thinking about his ex — and his ex’s tall and attractive French boyfriend. 

As if to remind him, his phone buzzes in front of him. The caller ID reads ‘Alex Mason.’ 

With a reluctant sigh, Aaron checks to see what he might want, part of his new and renewed commitment to their relationship. The message asks if he wants to meet for lunch at the pub, Alex having managed to score some free time between shifts at the hospital. 

Aaron knows he should answer him, but he really doesn’t feel like it. So he resolves to do it a little later, turning the phone screen side facing downward. 

Picking up his pen again, he tries to focus on the numbers on the page in front of him, but the numbers have just ceased to make sense. 

He’d ask Robert for help like he occasionally does, but now it feels wrong to do so. He can’t stop thinking if maybe Enzo would have a problem with that. It’s just one friend helping another out, isn’t it? 

He opens his mouth to form the question, but when he looks over he sees Robert hard at work, brow furrowed as he reads over a contract, and he finds that he can’t bring himself to ask it. He could count the number of times they’ve worked like this in silence on more than two hands, Robert’s presence enough to make even the most monotonous of work seem less tedious. Only they haven’t been doing so in recent weeks, Robert either coming to the scrapyard after hours, or taking his work home with him, and secretly Aaron has missed it. 

He smiles to himself and lets himself just savour it, not wanting to break the silence, the comfort of it a trace remnant of times gone past. He’d wondered if they’d ever find themselves back here ever again. It’s nice to know it’s possible. 

He’s snapped out of his thoughts by a phone buzzing once more — only this time it’s not his, but Robert’s. 

He watches as Robert immediately answers it, barely checking to see who it might be. 

Aaron doesn’t need to wonder for long, because his voice dips low and grows warmer by the second, even though all he says is, “Hiya, Enzo.” 

That smile is back and it makes Aaron’s heart hurt. So instead of subjecting himself to it any longer, he looks back down at the ledger in front of him, resigned to suffering through the accounting by his lonesome. 

:::::  
 

His stomach is in such a roil that when lunchtime hits, he barely registers any hunger. The only signifier of time passing is another insistent text from Alex, the doctor once again checking if he should leave so they can grab a meal together. His other option would be just eating at the hospital. 

Aaron bites his lip as he considers the offer, rereading the words on his phone over and over again. 

 _Probably should_ , he reasons with himself. _After all, he is my boyfriend._  

But just then Robert lets out a sound of disappointment, and Aaron’s ears pick it up as he looks over at him. 

“Anything the matter?” He asks, even though knows something is up. He’s been with Robert long enough to be able to read him. 

“Just Enzo,” Robert says, a resounding frown on his face, as he waves his phone in indication. “A business meeting came up, so he’s had to cancel lunch.” 

A beat passes, and Aaron nods in empathising understanding — even though inside him his ecstatic stomach is doing backflips. 

It seems to occur then, that Aaron’s sitting right here. Robert looks at him in quiet consideration. “What about you? Guessing you’ve already got plans with Alex?” 

Aaron’s eyes flicker to his phone, but then he looks back up and just shakes his head. “Uh. No. None, actually.” 

“Oh. Yeah. Probably in the middle of one of those long shifts of his,” Robert states with a polite smile. Aaron searches for any pain hidden within it. 

“Uh, yeah,” he lies once again. He wonders if Robert can hear it. 

“Suppose that’s the price of dating a doctor,” Robert quietly jokes instead. It would have been gentler if he’d stabbed him. 

“Hey. Could be worse,” Aaron parries, swallowing away all traces of that sharp and sudden sting. He forces a smile. “Could be dating some sort of business manager.” 

It feels weird and foreign them joking like this; almost like they’re speaking a foreign language. In a way it is, Aaron supposes, neither of them having been friends or ever dated other people while still existing together. 

Robert laughs nonetheless, the noise both fond and familiar, and Aaron’s heart skips a beat. It feels like before, when things were better. When they were still in love. 

His smile turns — if not a little sad — as Robert shakes his head, remembering what it was like when he was the one drawing out this kind of reaction. (He pretty much ignores his own.) 

Almost on cue, his stomach grumbles restlessly, his body still making a play for food — and maybe, in a way, Robert. 

It seems to work, because Robert chuckles out loud. Aaron’s cheeks warm at the laughter. 

“What?” He questions defensively, even as the smile remains on his face. “The cafe was busy. So I skipped breakfast.” 

Robert should know how he gets when he’s hungry. They’ve been through it enough times together. 

As it turns out he does, because the laughter fades, even as he remains grinning.

“Better hurry up then,” Robert says, getting to his feet. “Don’t want you biting off Marlon’s head when you order.” 

Aaron looks at him in askance, not daring to hope. Could Robert’s phrasing be suggesting what he’s thinking? 

“You sure Enzo won’t have a problem?” He asks trying not to sound so surprised. “You know, with us eating together.” 

He tries to make it sound like a joke, but really it’s a quest to find out if Robert’s boyfriend might be jealous; his attempt to ascertain the state of Robert’s affections. 

It doesn’t quite work because Robert just shakes his head knowingly. “He’s the one that suggested it. Said I should probably spend time with some mates.”

Aaron tries not to let that new title hurt so hard, but it still feels like a punch to the solar plexus, the air getting sucked out of his lungs.

“Just checking,” he says with a reluctant smile, any trace of hunger having flown out the window. “Wouldn’t want to cause problems between you and your _boyfriend_.” 

It’s the first time he’s saying it, really testing out the word in regards to Robert and someone else. He can practically see it hover in the air above them. Not that Robert notices, just giving him a cursory nod. “Oh, Enzo’s not the sort to get jealous.” 

 _No. That would be me_ , Aaron thinks, trying not to feel too insulted. Instead, he jokes, “Probably ‘cause he’s French.” 

Robert just rolls his eyes and shakes his head, so Aaron adds quietly after a moment, “And probably because he knows you like him.”

He knows he’s stating a cold and hard truth, but he hopes beyond hope that Robert will say or do something to refute it. Maybe say, _Not sure about that. Just seeing where this goes at the moment._  

He doesn’t and the ensuing silence is loud and crashing.

He’s half considering pulling out from this lunch now, and instead going back to the Mill and wallowing. It’s not like he’s going to get any more work done the rest of this day. But then Robert smiles expectantly at him and gestures at the door, and he finds his resolve crumble into dust instantly.

Aaron nods back and waits for him to exit, before sending Alex a quick text saying he’s busy. 

_Busy spending time with a mate._

:::::  
  


The walk back to the village is just like every other one they’ve taken and as a result, it’s full of memories.

Just like clockwork, they’ve settled into their old walking positions — him on the right and Robert on his left — the space he’d first maintained between them quickly growing non-existent, Aaron unable to resist the warmth radiating off of Robert. (He’d tease him about his many-layered “country squire” look, but he’d secretly always loved that. Robert stubbornly refusing to give up fashion for function, insisting on still wearing his favourite shirts and jeans. Even if he did have to don several cardigans, a body warmer _and_ a jacket as well.) 

The silence is comfortable, both of them lost in their own thoughts, and neither feeling the need to fill it with conversation. That was always Aaron’s favourite part of their time together, their ability to exist in the quiet, his never really needing words to speak to Robert. Sometimes just a look or a smile would suffice, his ex-husband quickly picking up his meaning.

But that’s brushed away when he sees a familiar set of trees in the distance, a blush taking up residence on his face. He hopes Robert doesn’t notice as he eyes the secluded spot as they keep walking, his mind rapidly filling with images of that fateful day. (Robert had had a few too many drinks at lunch, the result was him getting handsy on the long way back and attempting to cajole Aaron into a romp outside, his suggestive murmurs sending thrills down Aaron’s spine. Full of beer and Marlon’s roast beef sandwich and a big swell of affection, Aaron had conceded and led them there, an effort to keep them from prying eyes — and any potential clients.)

He’s just thinking about how he’d run his hands through Robert’s hair that day, when he feels his hand brush against his; knuckles gently grazing the back of his hand, creating a trail of heat in its wake. His whole body tenses, but Robert doesn’t seem to notice, still swinging his hands beside him.

Aaron’s hand remains locked in that same position, the last few seconds playing over and over in his mind. He’s never been the kind of man who’s wanted to hold hands. But in this moment, he’s wanted nothing more. To feel Robert’s palm pressing against his, their fingers entwined together; his touch anchoring him from the crazy spiral running through his mind.

He’s so focused on that he almost misses Robert speak.

“Keep wondering if I should bring back something for Jimmy.” His gaze is trained in front of them, his expression thoughtful and pondering.

“Oh right. He’s got that haulage run later tonight,” Aaron says, trying to act like he hasn’t been keeping his ears alert for any and every tidbit about Robert and his current life. 

“Yeah,” Robert nods, starting to smile. “And you know how he gets on those.”

Aaron smiles back, a chuckle escaping him, as he thinks of the time they’d returned to the scrapyard to find Jimmy raiding their shared biscuit tin, trying to squirrel away any snacks or sweets he could take with him. From then on, Robert had added “food” to the haulage company’s expenses, hiding it under a different name to keep it away from Nicola. 

It’s sweet, Aaron thinks, to see Robert caring; Jimmy and him having slowly become friends in the months gone past. There used to be a time when he had no one _but_ Aaron and Vic (and maybe Diane and Doug), but the other day he’d heard something from his mum about Bernice having had him over for tea, and Robert _actually_ going. 

“Don’t think one of Marlon’s lunches will be enough to keep him,” Aaron jokes, thinking of Jimmy’s unending appetite. “Though he might be trying to lose weight to fit into that fur coat of his.”

Robert barks a laugh at this sudden reminder. Aaron finds himself beaming.

“Forgot about that,” Robert says and the smile is in his voice. “Haven’t seen that awful thing in a while.”

“Like _you_ can talk,” Aaron continues to tease, sinking back into their old rhythm. “Have you seen the state of your closet?”

“Hey! At least I try!” Robert defends himself, his shoulders are high as he gets a little more animated. “And I don’t go around wearing a dozen black hoodies and the same pair of black jeans. You know, like _some_ people.”

All Aaron wants to say is that he never seemed to have that problem when they were together, Robert even using one of those hoodies whenever he’d felt poorly, and always complimenting him on those jeans. However, he just bites his tongue, and points out instead, “Don’t think I’ve forgotten those red pants, mate. Maybe try a little less next time.” 

Robert rolls his eyes, but the smile doesn’t leave his face. And Aaron wonders if maybe _Enzo_ doesn’t have a problem with it.

His heart pangs as they settle back into silence. He slowly flexes his hand.

:::::  
  


The pub is full up when they get there, with limited seating. So they end up sitting at their old booth to the side and to the back, Robert shuffles in and smiles at Aaron from across the distance. It feels close and yet entirely too far for them.

As Aaron slides in, he feels his leg knock against Robert’s, long shins already stretched out in front of him, causing Aaron’s to brush past his in the process.

His cheeks run warm as he remembers what that used to be like, both of them sat with their legs entangled below them, two of Robert’s always framing his left one or his right. (They never were the kind of couple that played “footsie” under the table, which is why Aaron had first pulled back when Alex had given it a try on their third date. Only now, it feels natural to try and do so, Robert still keeping his legs where they were. But Aaron just barely manages to practice restraint.)

Marlon comes over a few minutes later, glancing from Robert to Aaron with a weird look in his eye. When Aaron looks at him questioningly, he smiles at him sheepishly.

“Sorry, felt like deja vu for a second there.” But thankfully Marlon pushes on and asks, “So, what’ll you be having?”

Robert looks at him in quiet confirmation, and Aaron nods automatically, before turning to the chef and saying, “Two cheeseburgers and a double order of chips.”

Marlon sighs but doesn’t argue about his training as a chef, now more than accustomed to their behaviour. As he turns and goes, Charity comes over with two pints. She places the glasses on the table between them and turns to Robert.

“So no Enzo today then?” She asks, sounding a bit eager. “He finally realise he could do better and dump you?”

Aaron wants to glare at her but he does his best to remain neutral. No need to wade into the middle of it.

“He had a lunch meeting in Hotten,” Robert answers, his voice steely but strangled. “You know someone of us do have actual work to do.”

A beat passes and then he adds casually, if not a little pointed, “Why? Did Vanessa come to her senses and finally leave you?”

Charity’s mouth falls open and her eyes narrow. 

“Thanks for the pint,” Aaron says, before things can escalate further. All attempts at staying out of it going out the window. He recognises the way Robert’s shoulders are all hunched and defensive. No good can come from that gesture. 

Charity looks like she might throw them both out of the pub for that comment, but Aaron’s tone seems to put a moratorium on that. She looks at him long and hard for a second, before looking back over to Robert.

“Just for that, you can come up to the bar for your next one,” she says pointing at the drinks resting between them. Her words are more for him than Robert.

Aaron nods as she turns and walks away. “Ta.” 

“You’d think she was single the way she goes on about him,” Robert says, and Aaron can tell something’s bothering him, his jaw tensing at the corner. 

But it’s been a long day, and Aaron doesn’t want to talk about Enzo, so he sips his pint and tries to distract Robert as he shrugs, “It’s just Charity bein’ Charity.”  

“Suppose you’re right,” Robert says looking at him consideringly, the tension slowly easing out of his shoulders. He looks relaxed once more, just like he always used to when they came here before, his hands off the table and resting high on his thighs in his lap. 

For a split second, it feels like they’re back there again, back to when they were still together and Robert loved him. Only the moment passes and Robert’s sat there looking pensive again. So Aaron tries to change the conversation. 

“How’s Seb?” 

Robert’s eyes brighten at the mention of his son and it becomes apparent that he’s one of those parents that _wants_ to talk about their kids. Aaron half expects to be shown pictures and a slide show. 

“He’s settling in alright,” Robert tells him excitedly. “Think he’s starting to recognise my voice.” 

As much as it had hurt him to see Robert carrying around and cradling an infant that isn’t both of theirs, Aaron can’t help but be happy for him in this moment. In another life, this could have been them, sitting in the pub and discussing any triumphs or failures with their children. 

“That’s great, Robert,” he tells him earnestly, meaning every word of it. “Seb’s a really lucky little boy.” 

In that instant, it feels like Robert finally sees him, that he knows and recognises what this means and where it’s coming from. His smile is soft as he looks back at Aaron. “Thanks. That really means a lot.” 

Aaron smiles back, just basking in this moment, letting it warm him from the outside in. 

“Well, I mean it,” he reaffirms with a bashful shrug. “Always knew you were going to be a good father.” 

Robert half smiles, the corner of his lips pulling up. Aaron remembers what it was like to kiss that. 

“Enough about me,” Robert says after the moment stretches too thin, a piece of gum growing thinner at the middle. “How’s things with you and Alex?” 

 _Not good, because I’d rather be here with you._  

Before he has a chance to fake a smile and come up with lie, there’s a voice calling over his shoulder. 

“Ah. Excellent. I was hoping I would catch you.” Aaron looks over his shoulder to see Enzo standing there, somehow looking even more glamorous than ever; the pub’s lighting giving him a soft halo and making his leather jacket and dark distressed jeans pop. “Thought you might ‘ave already finished eating.” 

Without any warning, Enzo goes and slides in next to Robert, his leg now knocking into Aaron’s and causing him to jump and retract. But Enzo doesn’t apologise, barely even noticing it, too busy already going in for a kiss. Robert smiles and turns his face to receive, the half smile turned into a full one.  

Aaron watches, time slowing around them, as one of Enzo’s tanned hands comes up to gently caress Robert’s jaw as he leans forward and presses his lips against Robert’s; the latter barely puckering his lips in response. 

In Aaron’s chest, his heart is beating wildly, not that he can even notice, his spirit having separated from his body, and now floating somewhere above him. 

Still, he manages, as Enzo pulls away, to plaster on a fake smile of greeting. 

“Guess the meeting went well then?” Aaron asks, just to be polite. He’s had a better time at the dentist. 

“Actually it did,” Enzo says with a big smile. Turning to Robert he adds, “You remember that client I was telling you about? She’s thinking about signing a contract.” 

“So that means you can stay after all?” Robert says, sounding a little breathy. Aaron’s eyes immediately flick to him, studying the look on his face. For a brief second he thinks he sees panic flash in Robert’s gaze, but it’s gone just as quickly as he notices it. 

“It means I don’t have to leave _you_ any time soon,” Enzo confirms, with a big grin of his own. He moves to take Robert’s other hand and hold it between them. Aaron doesn’t need to look under the table to see he’s giving it a squeeze. 

“That’s excellent news,” he finds himself saying in response, even though the words themselves sound distant. 

Robert doesn’t say anything, only nods in agreement; the smile on his face turning plastic. 

Aaron wants to say something, question Robert about it. But it wouldn’t do to bring it up in front of Enzo, especially if he is the reason for this reaction — something he both hopes for and dreads. 

Marlon chooses that exact moment to arrive with their food, though he’s surprised to see Enzo having joined them both; happily sitting there and holding hands with Robert, their position in the booth looking quite cozy. 

“Would you like anything?” The chef asks Enzo, hopefully. “Perhaps you’d like to try one of my specials?” 

Enzo smiles apologetically as he reaches out and takes one of Robert’s chips. Robert slides the little metal basket towards him. 

“I already ate. But thank you for asking,” Enzo says as he takes a bite. 

Marlon smiles politely and turns to walk away, but that doesn’t hide his grumbling. (“Hey Marlon, why’d you go to culinary school? Oh you know, because I just love making _burgers_ all day.”) 

Aaron looks away from Marlon’s retreating form and shakes his head, before focusing on the sight in front of him. It’s a terrible idea because Enzo’s happily reaching for another one of Robert’s chips, looking every bit the part of a doting and happy boyfriend. 

He almost pushes his plate away, his appetite now gone, with another one rising in its wake. His heart hurts, and his chest feels tight. He wants nothing more than to reach across the table and pull Robert’s hand out of Enzo’s. He just wants to keep it wrapped tight in his instead.  

“How was your day?” Enzo asks him cheerfully. It takes a second for Aaron to register it. 

“Fine, I suppose,” he answers truthfully enough. “Got stuck with a bit of accounting.” 

Robert perks up at that and for a moment Aaron’s sure he might offer to help. But Enzo gets there first as he says, “You should ask Robert. He’s quite good with _numbers._ ” 

Aaron didn’t know it was possible to make a phrase like that sound suggestive, but based on the blush spreading across Robert’s face, there’s quite a story there — one he’s sure is sexually related. 

The growing ache inside him pangs in a different way, now driven by a possibility he hadn’t considered: Robert having sex with someone else. Robert no longer having sex with _him_. 

Suddenly this is the last place Aaron wants to be, unwilling to sit around and continue to hear this. With that thought rattling in his head and his heart pounding in his chest, his legs itch to carry him out of here. His hands are already clutching the edges of the booth seat cushion, fingers waiting to push him off at the ready. 

He thinks of the last time they’d ever had sex; a last time without any warning. It had taken them both by surprise that afternoon, after a row at the scrapyard in which Robert had tried to burn £100,000, just to prove his love for him. (Aaron really hadn’t expected Robert to do something that brash when it came to money, but just like any other time he’d questioned his love for him, his then-husband had gone ahead and surprised him.) 

They’d managed to recover all of the money — even though it had smelled slightly smokey — while also dousing each other in fire extinguisher foam, an unintentional accident turned fully intentional prank as Robert turned the hose on Aaron. 

Later as they’d cleaned up, Aaron wiping at his top while Robert took his shirt off, Robert had looked over and told him that he really did love him. Aaron had smiled and gone in for a kiss, before one thing led to another; they’d made a mess of Robert’s desk just like they had the outside, both left tiredly chuckling and grinning. 

Of course, that’s a long ways away now, Robert no longer in possession of that kind of money. And even if he had it, Enzo would never make him burn it, because Robert was right about that one fact. Enzo’d never ask Robert to try and prove that he like him, he clearly just trusts that he does. Because Enzo knows how lucky he is to receive Robert’s affections — and he’s obviously not going to take it for granted. 

And just like that, Aaron can’t stay here anymore, his whole face prickling in pain and embarrassment. 

He gets up abruptly, taking out his phone as he says, “Should take this. It’s an important client.” 

It wouldn’t have mattered because Robert barely looks at him, smiling and looking down at something Enzo said (and Aaron definitely missed). Though Enzo gives him the briefest of nods, looking quite distracted. 

Aaron tries not to think of his and Robert’s hands intertwined as they rest below the table. 

There’s the briefest of seconds between his shallow breaths that Aaron feels what he thinks is Robert noticing him. But the feeling passes and the hairs on the back of his neck settle, no longer giving him those same kind of goosebumps. 

 _Probably imagining it anyway_ , Aaron tells himself, fighting the urge to turn back, quickly walking out the pub’s front door.

:::::  
  


He’s pacing outside, hands shoved in his pockets and kicking at random rocks and litter, when he’s approached by Paddy having finally returned from an appointment and about to head into the pub for a drink. 

“Everything alright?” He asks, with that quiet quiver of concern, the one that he gets when he dithers. Aaron does his best to try and resist it, but for once he cannot seem to fight it. 

“Just needed a break,” he answers sullenly, a rude teenager once again. His gaze is trained on the ground in front of him. 

“A break from what? If you don’t mind me askin’,” Paddy inquires gently, though from the sound of it he knows already. 

Aaron spends the better part of a minute trying to hold the words in, or maybe just phrase it a little better. But then he just half-grunts, half-mumbles with a bit of a shrug, “Robert and his boyfriend.” 

“Ah.” Paddy’s tone is entirely too knowing, and Aaron finds that he doesn’t quite like it, toeing at the ground in front of him. 

“Has Enzo gone and done something, you know, to make you not like him?” Paddy prods carefully, Aaron can feel him eyeing him as he waits for a reaction. “Has he hurt Robert?” 

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Aaron shakes his head, unable to name an actual complaint against him, just his own same overwhelming sense of annoyance. “He’s actually being a really good boyfriend. And Robert seems to really like him. ” 

“I see,” Paddy says and it grates on his nerves, the silence starting to go stale between them. 

“Just spit it out, Paddy,” Aaron says gruffly, squaring his shoulders at him. His voice sounds more angry than he really means, and Paddy doesn’t seem too happy about whatever he’s about to say. Not that Aaron can give much of a toss about it right now, Robert is sleeping with someone else. 

 _Because he and I are no longer husbands. Because we broke up._  

“It’s just…” Paddy’s voice trails off, a bit at war with himself. But he must settle that internal tussle because he says, “It sounds like you’re jealous Robert’s seeing someone else.” 

Even though he doesn’t actually say, _Someone who isn’t you_ , the words hang there between them. 

“I’m not jealous.” It comes out quick and defensive, more telling than if Aaron had actually spoken the truth. But even he can’t seem to pin whatever it is down as it stands, all these feelings conflicting within him. So he goes with the line he’s been feeding his mum for ages. “Robert and I are just friends.” 

Not that Paddy buys it either, just studies Aaron’s face. It’s obvious he’s going to disregard his answers. 

“Does Robert know how you feel?” The question is a bit of a surprise and it must show on his face, because Paddy then adds, “I was just wondering if you were going to tell him.” 

“Tell him what?” Aaron tries evading it again, swallowing down the swell of anxiety that rises. He doesn’t know why he’s clinging so hard to denial. “There’s nothing _to_ tell. He’s with Enzo and I’m with Alex.” 

The last part is to remind himself, that _yes_ , he has a boyfriend. 

“Okay, good.” Paddy says firmly, nodding the confirmation to himself. 

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Aaron asks, brows furrowing. This time he sounds annoyed because he is. 

“Well, you know, it’s been hard for him,” Paddy says gently. “Having to get over you. He’s just starting to get used to the idea.” 

Aaron knows, because Robert’s not the only one. Sometimes he expects to come downstairs and lay eyes on their wedding photo. 

There’s a long pause during which Paddy looks slightly pensive. Finally, he looks at Aaron and continues, “Never thought I’d see the day when Robert Sugden would decide to let you go. Thought the two of us would be arguingforever.” 

“When did you and Robert become so close, anyway?” Aaron finally asks, unable to believe what he’s hearing. “Sounds like you’re his new best friend or something.” 

“Don’t have to be his best friend to see how he was on your birthday,” Paddy says quietly. That gets Aaron’s attention. 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” He asks slightly urgently, unclear about the connection — though the pit in his stomach starts churning.

“Don’t think he knows I saw this,” Paddy tells him carefully, voice above a whisper. “But that’s the day he took off his wedding ring. Right after he helped Alex with your present.” 

He then shakes his head in disbelief as he continues, “It’s crazy, but he didn’t even want any credit for it.” 

Aaron nods absentmindedly, unsure what’s worse, having had the same feeling on the day at that time, or getting this delayed confirmation a week and a few weeks later. He’d thought the tickets had been a little more thoughtful than anything he’d first heard Alex bandy about that day, but he’d reluctantly figured he’d just been taking the mick out of him, having planned this other, more restrained celebration the entire time. Still, on the day itself, he couldn’t help but wonder, if Robert had been in some way involved. He’d been the only other person who’d known about the festival, the both of them having missed it the previous year on account of the break-up. 

Only neither Robert nor Alex had said anything at the time, both keeping this important fact to themselves. Aaron can’t help but start to bristle, if he’d known Robert was involved, he’d have known Robert still cared for him — and that he still had a shot. Enzo wouldn’t have had any real foothold. 

“What’s your point, Paddy?” Aaron asks, the same annoyance flashing, hating the thought of this missed opportunity. 

Paddy just sighs and studies his face, his eyes trained on him the entire time. When he speaks his tone is firm but gentle. “Whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, just think about how it’s going to affect Robert.” 

Aaron makes a face as he rejects the notion, his mind already jumping ahead to what he can say to Robert, to how he can jog his memory. 

 _You weren’t ready to give me up a few weeks back. You still loved me before you liked Enzo._  

“What makes you think I’m even going to do anything?” Aaron lies through the skin of his teeth, his growing impatience hopefully being read as annoyance. Sure, Robert had looked loved up while sitting next to Enzo, but how thrilled could he _really_ be, if just a short while ago he’d been suggesting a birthday gift for Aaron. 

“This isn’t what he needs right now,” Paddy says, all but ignoring his tone. It’s like he can sense what he’s thinking. 

“What? You some kind of expert now?” Aaron snorts and shakes his head. He turns to walk towards the pub, but Paddy’s grip around his upper arm stills him. 

“I just don’t want you making a mistake, is all,” Paddy explains, calm tone never wavering. “I’m sure this break up can’t have been easy on either of ya… And besides, you’re meant to be dating _Alex_.” 

Aaron doesn’t know why, but it’s that reminder that really winds him up, sending him over the edge and his pulse spiking. He hates the way everyone else seems to focus on his boyfriend, the way they tell him who he should be feeling for or caring about. 

“Shove off, Paddy,” Aaron says, shrugging the other man’s hand off his arm as he continues to walk right past him and right back into the pub. 

He’s only got one thing on his mind, as he strides through those doors: it’s finding and winning back Robert J. Sugden. 

:::::

   
When he goes back to the table, it’s just Enzo seated there, busy reading and scrolling on his phone. 

“Where’s Robert?” Aaron asks urgently, voice sounding out of breath like he’s run here. 

“He went to the restroom a few minutes ago,” Enzo answers, before slowly looking up. If he’s even a bit curious or worried about why Aaron needs to suddenly see his ex-husband, he doesn’t really show it, just stares at Aaron in open questioning. 

“Right, thanks,” Aaron tells him, turning to head straight there. There’s a prickle of guilt about what he’s about to do, but his aching heart supersedes it. 

As he walks over in search of Robert, Aaron can’t help but feel a familiar thrill. He’s taken back to all those times he used to meet Robert here, back during the affair when they’d have occasional rendezvous in the bathroom. 

He’s still smiling when he steps past the door and into the cool, tiled space. The first thing he spots in there is Robert. 

But instead of smiling and waiting for him as he had in days long past, he’s stood at the sinks and hunched down over the first heat one. He’s got both hands clutching either side of it, warm freckled skin bright against the white porcelain. His hair looks wild and Robert seems a bit flustered. 

“Everything alright?” Aaron clears his throat, all excited bluster flying out the window. He slowly approaches Robert where he stands, not wanting to accidentally spook him. 

That’s when Robert finally notices him, looking up and catching his eye in the mirror’s reflection. “Oh hi. Yeah. It’s fine.” 

Even though he smiles, it’s nowhere near his eyes. Aaron’s excitement sinks like a lead balloon. 

He crosses his arms and stands in place, just an arm’s grab away from Robert. His message is now loud and clear: _I’m not going until you speak._  

They lock eyes, Robert’s gaze bouncing off the mirror, and Aaron meeting him right there in the middle. 

After a long while, Robert sighs and looks down. Aaron swallows and says, “I’m guessing this is about Enzo.” 

In the time that Robert takes to answers, him taking his own sweet time, Aaron doesn’t dare to breathe. He can’t stand to say or do anything. A small part of him is hoping that this is where Robert finally admits, that maybe all of this was a big mistake, that he shouldn’t be dating Enzo, not really. 

Not when the person he truly wants is _Aaron._  

“What does he even see in a guy like me?” Robert’s voice comes out quiet and with a bit of a wobble. When he finally looks up, there are tears in his eyes. “My whole life’s a mess. I’m living in my sister’s box room, with a son I can barely look after.” 

Aaron’s mouth falls open slightly, but he doesn’t know what to say, unable to make his pre-planned declaration now. All thought of that falling by the wayside. 

It’s as he’s standing there and seeing Robert’s heart seem to break right in front of him that he fully understands what Paddy was trying to tell him. There might have been a time when he could have made an announcement like the one he’d had planned; could have released a grand and big reminder. 

But that’s not what his ex-husband wants or really needs, what he truly requires is a friend to help him through this. Robert J. Sugden, as a rule, is not prone to having a crisis of confidence, so Aaron knows he’s right to be worried. And the fact that this was caused by none other than Enzo, pretty much speaks for itself. So Aaron swallows his feelings and locks them up tight, and focuses on the man in front of him.  

“Robert,” he says gently, reaching out and putting a hand on Robert’s shoulder, feeling the softness of that familiar leather jacket. “You’re not a mess. And even if you are, pretty sure Enzo’d still think you’re pretty great. If you haven’t noticed, he really likes ya.” 

Robert seems to lean into his touch, before turning around to face him, looking Aaron straight in the eye as he leans back on the sink behind him. “What if Charity’s right? What if I mess this up, just like I did with us?” 

“Robert that’s ridiculous,” Aaron finds himself exclaiming. As soon as the words leave his mouth he realises it’s true. “There’s two people in a relationship. It was right of me to just blame ya.” 

“But I’m the one who slept with Rebecca,” Robert points out, looking away as his tone turns bitter. “Aaron, I made you start hurting yourself again.” 

“ _You_ didn’t make me do that,” Aaron points out firmly. “That happened because I refused to talk about it. You know how I get about that stuff.” 

“I still messed up,” Robert says, absolutely forlorn. “Even though I really tried with us.” 

A beat passes, and then he looks up at Aaron. His eyes are wetter than before. “You were the love of my life, and I couldn’t even make that work. What chance is there for me and Enzo?” 

The words cut right through him and he can barely speak, so he stands there for a moment silently gaping. When he finally gathers himself together, Robert’s looking away again. Aaron takes a deep breath in. 

“You and Enzo are nothing like you and me,” he says quietly and calmly, though his insides are twisting and turning. “In a way, you two are better.” 

Robert turns to look at him at that, and Aaron nearly wavers. 

“He likes ya and trusts ya, and he doesn’t get jealous,” Aaron insists. “Not like I did.” 

He shakes his head and looks over Robert’s shoulder, before coming to eye him again. “And he knows who you are. He knows you’re bisexual. And he knows about Seb and he likes him.” 

Robert still looks unsure. So Aaron takes another, _deeper_ breath in. 

“You’re smart and funny and he’d be lucky to have ya,” he says, meaning every word. “You always help those you care about, and you’d be willing to do anything to help them. Look at me and Adam. You didn’t have to do that. But you did because you’re a good man.” 

Robert refuses to meet his gaze, his eyes looking down at his feet. It only makes Aaron dig deeper. 

“You helped me with Gordon, and you got me out of prison,” he continues, his voice starting to crack with insistence. “You took care of Liv even though didn’t have to. You said you loved me and you always meant it. It was just _me_ who couldn’t really trust it.” 

Robert looks up at him, but Aaron glances away, unsure if he can handle the contact. 

“But that says more about me than it did about you,” he says, voice getting softer. He sighs and finally looks up. “You were the best boyfriend and husband I could have ever asked for. And I’m glad I got to love you.” 

He swallows and forces himself to meet Robert’s eyes. “I’m just glad we could be friends.” 

“Thanks,” Robert says, finally meeting his eyes. They’re not wet, but they are shining.  

“Promised I’d be a good friend to you, didn’t I?” Aaron tries to joke, even though it stings a little to smile. 

“Yeah,” Robert says, smile growing wider. “You did.” 

It’s the first time they’ve discussed that night at the hospital, the one where they’d said their final goodbyes as husbands.

“So, what are you waiting for?” Aaron says, faking his enthusiasm. “Go out there and kiss your boyfriend.”

He waits a beat and then adds, “Though you might want to wash your face first.” 

“Shut up,” Robert argues, with a bit of a chuckle. But he still turns around and does what he says.

He waits for Robert to finish and dry himself off and then he follows him out. When they’re about to approach the main dining area, Aaron hangs back and watches as Robert returns back to the table — and Enzo — by his lonesome. 

Enzo looks up from his phone and smiles when he sees him, and Aaron can’t help but relate entirely, even though there’s that ache that this can’t be him.

After Robert slides into the booth, now sitting closer to Enzo, he leans forward fluidly and kisses him. There’s a confidence in his movement that there wasn’t there before, a new hunger that Aaron recognises. Enzo seems a little surprised when Robert moves to deepen it, but just like everything Aaron has seen from him, he goes with the flow and rolls with it.

When they break apart, it’s with a smile and a chuckle. Robert already looking more freer by the second. As they sit there and laugh, he rests one hand on Enzo’s knee, and the other man’s expression doesn’t change but he looks fonder. 

Aaron smiles to himself, even though the pain is nigh crippling, and he decides not to go over and join them. 

He exits the way he came from, both hands once again jammed in his hoodie pocket, the weather outside back to grey and bleary.  

 _They’re happy. He’s_ _happy_. _I should be happy._  

 _Then why am I not happy?_  

He takes out his phone and returns Alex’s missed calls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First up, I want to thank everyone who's stuck around with this story for the insane amount of patience you've shown. I know I've been saying for the better part of a year that I would be updating it, and I broke that promise several times over. But I am proud to say I finally did that (even if it was in the new year!). Part of it was the fact that the show pretty much did what I outlined and I didn't want to compete with canon. (Also I was writing my Big Bang. LOL.) But now I have a clearer image, and plenty of space to feel like I know what to do and how to make it my own. #WritingReallyIsAJourney. 
> 
> It was an interesting process to return to this fic, having grown so much as a writer in the time since. And yet, it still feels like I did not do this instalment justice. (But I'm learning that this is how it's always going to feel and I will have to make my peace with that.) One thing I feel compelled to hold myself to, is that Enzo is not going to turn out to be a bad guy. I truly want to explore what it might be like for Robert to actually try dating another man, and how Aaron copes with it. However, I can say that this fic will end with them back together, because my shipper heart won't have it any other way. (The real challenge will be getting them there. And I feel like I'm actually up to it.)
> 
> If you have any questions, thoughts, comments, or concerns about this fic, drop me a line below or on Tumblr where I'm @rustandruin. I promise you I'm working on the next chapter of both this and my Big Bang as soon as I possibly can, I hope you'll bear with me in the meantime. (Life is about to get a bit busy for me.) 
> 
> Thanks again for sticking with me. I hope I do this story justice!


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